Her: "... and he said that´s funny."
Me: "Well, ok. And did you talk to him about the stuff I had told you before?"
Her: "No! Of course I didn´t. He could think you are really weird. More than he thinks now."
A small explanation: we were laughing this whole conversation, the subject of it wasn´t serious at all, and the thing I talked about was a bit strange but funny and yes it was a bit crazy as well. But when she said those last two lines and all of a sudden her face looked very solemn, it was like hitting a wall for me. So I asked myself if I should be worried to act as I am used to act? To act the way I feel?
I am usually a very outspoken person. I tell what I think. Especially among people I recognize my friends. Among them my thoughts sometimes go throught my mouth before they even touch my brain. They appear and I immediately express them without thinking about them. But isn´t it the thing you could do among people you trust? They know me anyway, so why I should be so cautious? I know I can be seen as a bit unusual or let´s say different. And I like it. I know who I am. I like my strangeness. But I must say that I have never felt SO strange. I mean I have always been surrounded with so many free spirits that it is sometimes me who´s been feeling a bit ordinary.
So I was a bit shocked at first. And I wanted to know more. I don´t care what other people think of me and I don´t care about their lives as well unless they do harm to anyone or something like that. Of course, I worry about people I love but I speak about "the strangers". So when the friend of mine told those things I was stunned for a while as I was trying to figure out if I´d already crossed some invisible line dividing those sections of a "normality" and a "lunacy" in my mind. And I don´t think so.
I grew up in an environment of such creativity and full of imagination. My parents and my grandparents gave me and my sister so many imputs, stimulation and inducements while growing up. We were risen to be versatile in many aspects of our lives. We can do or play many sports, we can play the musical instrument, we know the names of butterflies and constellations. Of course, both of us are good at different things, but at least we have tried them.
We were grown up to use our own minds, to think about and of things. And I know we were lucky.
So many people are afraid of using their imaginations, to act sometimes in a silly way, to be different. They bury their creativity just not to be seen as a weirdo. And I find it sad. They are closed in their boxes and cannot see the sky.
After this conversation I´ve decided to control myself better, because who wants to scare people? I do not. But still I love being a weirdo. I love to be a person to remember. It´s nothing as much useless as being forgotten and constantly overlooked. I know there are people who don´t understand me, who think I am crazy and better be omitted. But I have some true friends who know all of my sides, they know I am much more than that goofy woman. And that´s all that matters.
People shouldn´t be afraid of being themselves just because some other people cannot see the beauty of diversity. I am who I am. I cannot change myself and I don´t want to (well, and I even don´t believe that people can change. They either have those things somewhere inside or not, they just can control themselves, but not change). I have no problem to cope with people with different opinions and believes. Maybe I don´t understand them, but I respect them. It´s all about some respect and of course a self-esteem, too. People are different. We are. And I love it. I love those small things that specifies each of us. Those little weird habits and customs. Those are why I love my beloved ones. I love them the way they are. Everyone is different, is weird in their special way. It makes them special and real. And precious. And mine.
Somebody recently has told me that I have some strange friends. "Yes, I have. And I love them all." I replied proudly. Isn´t it that we all want? To be loved the way we are and to live our lives not just last them out? Well, I do.